I approach therapy with a relational, attachment-based lens. This means we spend time thinking about the role of connection in your current struggles. We also consider your experience with relationships from childhood to the present. In this process, we work with suppressed or disavowed emotions, creating a safe space to feel your feelings.
We need other people
Humans are social creatures. From our first interactions as infants through old age, we need other people to stay alive and thrive. Our relationships with parents, caregivers, friends, and partners shape how we feel about ourselves and how we understand our emotions and needs. While these relationships can be sources of strength and meaning, they can also be painful and sometimes traumatic. We all need at least one caring, attuned witness to help us make sense of our emotional storms and sunny days–even if this person exists solely in our imagination.
Perhaps you learned early on that no one would respond to your needs, so you blocked off those vulnerable parts of you. You may believe you don’t really need people at all. Or you absorbed the message that your emotions were too much, so you now fear no one will truly accept you. Depending on your history, you may feel numb inside, desperate to be seen and accepted, or some combination of the two.
Relational therapy can bring you back to life and back to yourself. A strong and trusting therapeutic relationship provides a new model for healthy connection. It offers a safe space to learn and practice positive ways of relating, and allows you to feel seen and understood. Studies also show that it is tied to positive therapy outcomes.
What therapy may look like
- Building our relationship takes time. The first several sessions allow us to get to know each other, to explore your history, and unpack your present. We’ll figure out what works for you in our sessions, as well as identify what you’d like to get out of therapy.
- My approach is collaborative and strengths-based. We all have inner resources to build upon. At the same time, our families of origin and the environment affect how we feel about ourselves in positive and challenging ways. In addition, our early life experiences and closeness to childhood caregivers shape us. We will sometimes discuss your early experiences. This will include significant memories and your feelings around them.
- I tend to think with my clients versus direct them. At the same time, we figure out what works for you. Generally, we talk about what is on your mind. I also enjoy using creative approaches, such as collage, altered books, drawing prompts, and sand tray.
- I believe that deep change comes from within and often happens when we get insight into our feelings, thoughts, and actions. We change by uncovering our hidden motivations and denied emotions in the presence of a supportive person. Change also happens through healthy relationships and experiencing something different and positive with a therapist.
Through the therapeutic relationship, we:
- Look at your early relationships and what you learned about closeness and connection growing up
- Examine your relationship patterns to see what works and what could change
- Think about the influence of social and cultural factors, such as ethnicity, race, gender, class, and sexual orientation
- Focus on unresolved or disavowed emotions with me as a caring, accepting witness
- Use the therapeutic relationship as a positive model for current and future relationships as well as a safe space to try new ways of relating
- Build upon your strengths and the therapeutic relationship as a way to feel more authentic, motivated, satisfied, and connected
What I don’t do
I hesitate to absolutely exclude any therapy approaches, and work with you to identify what works best for you. At the same time, I generally do not offer worksheets or homework, apart from potentially identifying your goals for the week. Because I do not look at our problems as something to be solved (how do you solve loneliness or low self-esteem?), I would not characterize my approach as solutions-based. And, while I am happy to think together about concrete coping strategies, I am not a tips and tricks sort of therapist. There are many resources out there for ways to cope. If you are looking for a strictly solution-based approach, there are therapists that specialize in this sort of work.
Contact me
If you would like to make an appointment, you can reach out using my secure contact form, send me a hushmail message, or leave a message on my confidential voicemail. In your message, please let me know your availability for both an initial meeting and ongoing sessions, which will allow me to check my schedule to see if I have an appointment time that will work for you.