Therapy that is relational and built on attachment.
It’s true: we need other people.
Humans are social creatures. From our first interactions as infants through our older years, we need other people to stay alive and thrive. Our relationships with parents, caregivers, friends, and partners shape how we feel about ourselves and how we understand our emotions and needs. While these relationships can be sources of strength and meaning, they can also be painful and sometimes traumatic. We all need at least one caring, attuned witness to help us make sense of our emotional storms and sunny days–even if this person exists solely in our imagination.
Perhaps you learned early on that no one would respond to your needs, so you blocked off those vulnerable parts of you. You may believe you don’t really need people at all. Or you absorbed the message that your emotions were too much, so you now fear no one will truly accept you. Depending on your history, you may feel numb inside, desperate to be seen and accepted, or some combination of the two.
Therapy that is relational and built on attachment
Therapy with a relational, attachment-based lens focuses on the role of connection in your current struggles. Your therapist will also consider your experience with relationships from childhood to the present. In this process, therapists work with suppressed or disavowed emotions, creating a safe space to feel your feelings.
Relational therapy can bring you back to life and back to yourself. A strong and trusting therapeutic relationship provides a new model for healthy connection. It offers a safe space to learn and practice positive ways of relating, and allows you to feel seen and understood.
What relational therapy may look like
A relational therapist may
Look at your early relationships and what you learned about closeness and connection growing up
Examine your relationship patterns to see what works and what could change
Consider the influence of social and cultural factors, such as ethnicity, race, gender, class, and sexual orientation
Focus on unresolved or disavowed emotions with me as a caring, accepting witness
Use the therapeutic relationship as a positive model for current and future relationships as well as a safe space to try new ways of relating
Build upon your strengths and the therapeutic relationship as a way to feel more authentic, motivated, satisfied, and connected
The first several sessions allow you and your therapist to get to know each other, to explore your history, and unpack your present. Your therapist may ask questions to help figure out what works for you in our therapy sessions, as well as identify what you’d like to get out of therapy.
Relational approaches are collaborative and strengths-based. We all have inner resources to build upon. At the same time, our families of origin and the environment affect how we feel about ourselves in positive and challenging ways. In addition, our early life experiences and closeness to childhood caregivers shape us. This may mean discussing your early experiences, including significant memories and your feelings around them.